Neon dreams

The other night I dreamed I was driving my 2001 Dodge Neon, which my dad bought for me in 2003 after I got my first newspaper job. I paid him for part of it. That silver sedan carried me through 11 years of my life until a broken water pump and related oil issues last July caused it to stop running, at midnight just two blocks from home. Fortunately it restarted and I got it home and I got it to the mechanic a few days later. He said the $1,200 repairs would cost me would be better spent toward a new car. No one advised me otherwise and for someone who hangs on to things till the bitter end, I knew this was the right choice. At the time, the Neon had about 155,000 miles on it, and Kurt's car had slightly more. I had been wondering what we would do with our old cars and how a new car would enter the picture.

Now Kurt and I are making payments on a 2009 Ford Escape which is a great step up, but having to let go of my car was emotional. We gave it to his co-worker who got it fixed and gave it to his daughter. She drives it to Monmouth where she goes to college. We saw her driving it a few weeks ago and I'm glad it has a new life.

Here are some of the things that happened in my 20s and 30s in that car (in no particular order):

naps
cries
laughs
road trips
drinks
smokes
carpools
job interviews
break-ups
hook-ups
fights
reconciliations
dates
homework
surprises
meetings
meals
hopes
dreams
broken homes
broken dreams
plans
prayers
conversations
realizations
decisions
journaling

The list goes on. It was profound for me to realize how much a car marks a person's life. For me, I went through eight moves, five jobs, two careers, two serious relationships, one marriage, one dog, and a lot of personal growth. My Dodge Neon will always have a special place in my heart.

Worry into wonder

I've been pondering a passage from a book a friend bought when she and her boyfriend were living in Southeast Portland, and gave me before they moved to China to teach English. The book by Neale Donald Walsch is When Everything Changes, Change Everything and it's a spiritual approach to change. What change is and how to live through it are examples of the aspects of change he explores. This passage I think is one of the best recipes for a positive attitude, and a positive attitude is a prerequisite for growth and success.   

"I promised you at the outset...that when you're through here you'll be be able to change Fear into Excitement, Worry into Wonder, Expectation into Anticipation, Resistance into Acceptance, Disappointment into Detachment, Enragement into Engagement, Addiction into Preference, Requirement into Contentment, Judgment into Observation, Sadness into Happiness, Thought into Presence, Reaction into Response, and a Time of Turmoil into a Time of Peace."

Since the book reads in the form of a journey, the "outset" is the start of the book. By the end, he promises the reader to be able to recognize and feel the negative emotions he lists, and to opt for their positive counterparts. 

Worry into wonder. For example, how do I wonder about what life will be like when my unemployment benefits run out soon, instead of worry about it like I have been? I guess wondering makes room for creativity and a new way of going about things. I'll give it my best.

Walsch, N. D. (2009). When everything changes, change everything: In a time of turmoil, a pathway to peace. Ashland, OR: EmNin Books.